Necessary evil

Sometimes popularity is a necessary evil, and here’s why:

1. You’ll get to know how the masses see you. Possibly, it will be a disillusioning  experience and will make you think whether you’re a “normal” person or whether you’re really welcome in the “normal” society.

2. You’ll get used to the idea that, at best, 50% of all people will hate you, and another 49,99 just won’t give a shit. Because you’ll learn that the support of the remaining 0,01% will easily outweigh it all.

2. You’ll teach yourself to be consistent in both your action and words.  You’ll be looked at 24/7 and there will be no place where you’ll be able to secretly do the opposite of what you said you believed in doing.

3. You’ll make friends with people who want to be friends with you because they love what you’re doing, not because you have to see each other every day and thus better get along.

4. You’ll surround yourself with new people who know nothing about your background. It’s easier to change when you’re neither alone nor around those who know everything about your old habits and beliefs.

5. Finally, when you die and reincarnate you’ll be able to connect with your past life: chances are high that you’ll stumble upon some of your books, articles, posts, pictures or videos.

What’s the catch?

If you believe in yourself, it doesn’t mean you have to believe everything your judgement feeds you.

If you treat you brain well, it will try to make you look smart. Sometimes.

But that’s only half of the truth. The other half is that most of the time, it will be trying even harder to make you look dumb.

Of course, it still doesn’t make your brain an enemy. But it’s not a win-win partner, either. It doesn’t want mutual benefit.

It just wants to play a game.

How many times have you forgotten things you were sure you would never forget, or made cringe-worthy blunders and felt like you were set up a in a shrewd prank?

What you should learn from that is: never take your confidence at face value.

If you absolutely believe you didn’t forget or overlook anything, it’s a sign you should better think about what you have missed in your checklist, or what you glanced across without paying attention.

After all, your brain is playing games with you.

And if your starting hand looks nice, it doesn’t mean you won.

It only means you should ask yourself “now, what’s the catch?”

Planning on the go

When everything goes according to plan it is, in fact, an alarming sign.

And it’s not because it looks too good to be true. It’s because it doesn’t look good at all.

If you’re really good at what you’re doing, no plan can be so good it can’t get even better in the process.

You start working, get feedback from reality check, make your corrections, and come up with a better idea of where to go and how to do it.

Such improvement can be so significant it will make the corrected plan have very little resemblance of its initial version.

Wrong thing in the right time at the right place

“Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.”
― Antoine de Saint-Exupéry


Time is moving fast.

So, I need to do things even faster.

Faster often means worse, but I’m always fine with that.

Because fucking up on time is always better than excellence that comes too late.

I usually try to make as few mistakes as possible, but I still believe that engaging in an endless battle against every flaw in the universe is a counterproductive idea. Not only it’s counterproductive to strive to be perfect – it’s also wrong to have everything polished up to perfection.

It’s like having an expensive car in flawless condition, with its flawlessness making you constantly worry about scratches and dents, to the point of apparent discomfort. That’s how the car becomes just painful to drive. And that’s how its perceived perfection becomes worse than if it were far from perfect.


Ignite a star or die trying

“First, I do not sit down at my desk to put into verse something that is already clear in my mind. If it were clear in my mind, I should have no incentive or need to write about it. We do not write in order to be understood; we write in order to understand.”
― Cecil Day Lewis


I may not sound specific, but the reason I keep writing is because I want to ignite a star. Or to die trying.

Sure, there are already more stars out there than you can count in your entire lifetime, but if one more can still make a difference, that’s all that matters.

All that matters are people feeling better about themselves, with the help of but a few paragraphs, and nothing else.

Not even critical acclaim or commercial success.

It’s not like I consider myself a brilliant writer. My writing skills are just not as bad as everything else I’ve ever tried.

Still, that won’t stop me from trying to make a dent in the universe.

And if I’m really serious about it, nothing should.

A failed writer’s rant

“Do not do what someone else could do as well as you. Do not say, do not write what someone else could say, could write as well as you. Care for nothing in yourself but what you feel exists nowhere else. And, out of yourself create, impatiently or patiently, the most irreplaceable of beings.”

― André Gide

You can’t be responsible if you can’t be the one to blame.

You can’t be honest if you keep justifying every mistake that questions your competence.

You can’t be taking risks if you can’t fail.

You can’t be brave if you’re constantly hypnotizing yourself into thinking everything is gonna be okay.

The thing is, shit always happens. Sometimes, it’s you who makes it happen.

And the only way out is to take the beating.

Maybe your dreams will never come true.

Maybe you’ll never live up to your aspirations.

Maybe you’ll never amount to anything and die alone in misery and pain.

But if you can face those fears with laughter, you’ll be able to soldier through bitterness of life.

And, as everyone is unique in the way they feel unhappy, you’ll be able to turn your suffering into your own form of art. So it will give you inspiration and relief.

And immense respect.

Am I going insane?

The most fascinating things were made by narcissists, the most interesting ones were made by schizoids, the kindest by melancholics, the impossible by psychopaths. Normal people almost never make history.  

(с) Ekaterina Potapova, Russian psychologist

“Am I going insane?”

Well, what if you are?  And what if that’s the reason you’re able to do something great?

Will you blend into the background of so-called normal life, or will you draw your own crazy yet interesting picture of human existence?

The choice is yours.

Just stick to your guns once you make it. And spare no ammo.